Thirsty has a weak chorus that is completely whispered, which is the exact opposite of what people want from Mariah. The "Uh, you're thirsty" party is catchy-ish, and I like the song, but I don't think it would have had any success at all.
Precisely. Its too much the kind of song people were fed up of from Mariah, totally going backwards at a time when people were finally accepting her once more for the fresher and truer sound of #B, a song that really got her back on side with many who had written her off musically. Thirsty is catchy but it was only ever going to sell to exactly the same audience who were already onboard with Mariah. Which was a diminishing audience at best.
MIAM gave a lot of people what they really wanted again from Mariah. Thirsty was the worst kind of advert to show that in an isolated form.