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rainbow1199

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Often imitated, never duplicated.

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Jan 11 11 9:28 PM

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I'm dying. Check out the Beyonce, Britney, and Christina pages for added hilarity. We need to get Mariah a page on this!

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rainbow1199

Posts: 12,520 Often imitated, never duplicated.

#2 [url]

Jan 12 11 4:39 PM

Beyoncé Knowles is an American R&B and pop recording artist, dancer, producer, songwriter, actress, fashion model, philanthropist, hair braider, weed seller, career-ender, award show shut-downer, and real estate agent.

In 2010, Rolling Stone voted her as the "greatest entertainer on earth". In 2009, TIME Magazine voted her as the "greatest human being on earth". In 2008, Essence Magazine wrote: “Beyoncé is quite simple the greatest thing since orgasms, and anyone who hates her is probably fat, smelly, and illiterate”.

Artist Bio

Beyoncé was born September 4, 1981 in Houston, Texas. She was a shy and introverted child. The other kids hated on her because she was better looking and more talented (this would be a major theme of her adult life). She formed a singing group with her half-sister and their 2 tone-deaf friends. The first album was a moderate success on the Billboard Basic #*!!! Charts. Their 2nd album made them a crossover success. One day the 2 tone-deaf broads decided they should have the same perks and privileges as Beyonce despite not having the same level of talent (this would also be a major theme of Beyonce's adult life). One Wednesday afternoon they called a meeting saying they wanted new management, By Thursday morning they were kicked out of the group and working at Hardee’s with 2 former members of Xscape. After adding and kicking out more broads, Destiny’s Child became the biggest selling female group of all time.

In 2003, Beyonce released a solo album and has been making your favorite artist's life unbearable ever since.

Beyonce's Impact on the Industry

hopes.gif

Private Life

On April 4, 2008 Beyonce married her first husband Jay-Z in a private ceremony in New York City.

According to wedding attendees Jay said:

“I promise to stay with you through better or worse, through richer or poorer, through sickness and health, as long you stay young and relevant.”

Beyonce Stans

To understand the relationship between Beyonce stans and Beyonce haters it is best to understand the relationship between the lion and the hyena.

We’ve all seen the Discovery Channel footage of the lion savagely ripping the hyena apart.

That’s the hyena’s side of the story. This is the lion’s side:

The lion does not want to kill the hyena. He doesn’t even like the taste of hyena. The lion is minding his business, eating a Chipotle burrito bowl and watching Bad Girls Club. Then all of a sudden the hyena comes starting *$@!. The lion ignores the hyena, but the hyena continues. The lion could let the hyena go but he has a reputation to uphold, so he rips the hyena into several bloody pieces and gets portrayed as a bully.

Beyonce stans don’t want to drag people. There’s plenty of Beyonce-related things going on to occupy their time. Hit albums, hit singles, hit movies, videos, awards, sold-out tours, pictures, articles, praise from legends. Everyday there is something to do. It is extremely rare that a Beyonce stan goes looking to drag anybody. Beyonce stans could ignore them but like most stans they feel the need to straighten people out, and once you've angered Beyonce stans you're pretty much dead.

Beyonce stans have had to fight Ashanti stans, Janet Jackson stans, Rihanna stans, even Aretha stans. Anybody who stans for anything with a vagina has tried it with Beyonce stans at one point or another.

Beyonce stans have emerged as major winners in internet stan wars, mainly because they have numbers, Grammys, and the co-signature of legends and icons. When you have the President of the United States stanning out over you would think that would shut a lot of people up. However people continue to try it with Beyonce stans and end up with large chunks of hair and wig strands snatched from their scalp.

Beyonce Stan Ammunition

  • 16 Grammys
  • Tour that grossed $100 million
  • Reputation as a live performer
  • Vocal Talent
  • Praise from icons and legends
  • Awards
  • Started Several Cultural Phenomenons
  • Respect for being classy and remaining relevant without a reality show.
  • Critical Acclaim
  • Box Office Receipts

Stan Weaknesses

  • The questionable songwriting credits
  • The notion that she’s Diana Ross 2.0 (a spotlight-hogging diva who can’t sit down)
  • The "stealing"
  • The Excess of Endorsements ( water, perfumes, TVs, soda, clothes, makeup, feminine wipes, etc.)
  • The idea that she is only famous for being light-skinned with blond hair (only an insecure Precious-looking chick would continue to bring this up in 2010)
  • The idea that she is an Illuminati princess who sacrifices infants and small puppies to Satan.
  • The Countryassness of Dereon
  • The occasional Countryassness of her Creative Team and Staging in comparison to the amount of money we know she has.
  • The occasional Countryassness of her videos in comparison to the amount of money we know she has.
  • Inconsistent Acting Performances

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mcfan

Posts: 31,636

#Beautiful

#3 [url]

Jan 12 11 4:49 PM

rainbow1199 wrote:

Beyoncé Knowles is an American R&B and pop recording artist, dancer, producer, songwriter, actress, fashion model, philanthropist, hair braider, weed seller, career-ender, award show shut-downer, and real estate agent.

In 2010, Rolling Stone voted her as the "greatest entertainer on earth". In 2009, TIME Magazine voted her as the "greatest human being on earth". In 2008, Essence Magazine wrote: “Beyoncé is quite simple the greatest thing since orgasms, and anyone who hates her is probably fat, smelly, and illiterate”.

Artist Bio

Beyoncé was born September 4, 1981 in Houston, Texas. She was a shy and introverted child. The other kids hated on her because she was better looking and more talented (this would be a major theme of her adult life). She formed a singing group with her half-sister and their 2 tone-deaf friends. The first album was a moderate success on the Billboard Basic #*!!! Charts. Their 2nd album made them a crossover success. One day the 2 tone-deaf broads decided they should have the same perks and privileges as Beyonce despite not having the same level of talent (this would also be a major theme of Beyonce's adult life). One Wednesday afternoon they called a meeting saying they wanted new management, By Thursday morning they were kicked out of the group and working at Hardee’s with 2 former members of Xscape. After adding and kicking out more broads, Destiny’s Child became the biggest selling female group of all time.

In 2003, Beyonce released a solo album and has been making your favorite artist's life unbearable ever since.

Beyonce's Impact on the Industry

hopes.gif

Private Life

On April 4, 2008 Beyonce married her first husband Jay-Z in a private ceremony in New York City.

According to wedding attendees Jay said:

“I promise to stay with you through better or worse, through richer or poorer, through sickness and health, as long you stay young and relevant.”

Beyonce Stans

To understand the relationship between Beyonce stans and Beyonce haters it is best to understand the relationship between the lion and the hyena.

We’ve all seen the Discovery Channel footage of the lion savagely ripping the hyena apart.

That’s the hyena’s side of the story. This is the lion’s side:

The lion does not want to kill the hyena. He doesn’t even like the taste of hyena. The lion is minding his business, eating a Chipotle burrito bowl and watching Bad Girls Club. Then all of a sudden the hyena comes starting *$@!. The lion ignores the hyena, but the hyena continues. The lion could let the hyena go but he has a reputation to uphold, so he rips the hyena into several bloody pieces and gets portrayed as a bully.

Beyonce stans don’t want to drag people. There’s plenty of Beyonce-related things going on to occupy their time. Hit albums, hit singles, hit movies, videos, awards, sold-out tours, pictures, articles, praise from legends. Everyday there is something to do. It is extremely rare that a Beyonce stan goes looking to drag anybody. Beyonce stans could ignore them but like most stans they feel the need to straighten people out, and once you've angered Beyonce stans you're pretty much dead.

Beyonce stans have had to fight Ashanti stans, Janet Jackson stans, Rihanna stans, even Aretha stans. Anybody who stans for anything with a vagina has tried it with Beyonce stans at one point or another.

Beyonce stans have emerged as major winners in internet stan wars, mainly because they have numbers, Grammys, and the co-signature of legends and icons. When you have the President of the United States stanning out over you would think that would shut a lot of people up. However people continue to try it with Beyonce stans and end up with large chunks of hair and wig strands snatched from their scalp.

Beyonce Stan Ammunition

  • 16 Grammys
  • Tour that grossed $100 million
  • Reputation as a live performer
  • Vocal Talent
  • Praise from icons and legends
  • Awards
  • Started Several Cultural Phenomenons
  • Respect for being classy and remaining relevant without a reality show.
  • Critical Acclaim
  • Box Office Receipts

Stan Weaknesses

  • The questionable songwriting credits
  • The notion that she’s Diana Ross 2.0 (a spotlight-hogging diva who can’t sit down)
  • The "stealing"
  • The Excess of Endorsements ( water, perfumes, TVs, soda, clothes, makeup, feminine wipes, etc.)
  • The idea that she is only famous for being light-skinned with blond hair (only an insecure Precious-looking chick would continue to bring this up in 2010)
  • The idea that she is an Illuminati princess who sacrifices infants and small puppies to Satan.
  • The Countryassness of Dereon
  • The occasional Countryassness of her Creative Team and Staging in comparison to the amount of money we know she has.
  • The occasional Countryassness of her videos in comparison to the amount of money we know she has.
  • Inconsistent Acting Performances
<3 <3 Proud to be one  

We need a page for Mariah ASAP.

 

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mcfan

Posts: 31,636

#Beautiful

#4 [url]

Jan 12 11 4:55 PM

Rihanna Stan/Beyonce Stan War

One of the bloodiest and most prolonged conflicts in stan wars is between Beyonce stans and Rihanna stans.
To clarify not all Rihanna stans hate Beyonce and vice versa. Some could care less, and some even like both. This article deals with the Rihanna stans who go around terrorizing the internet and the Beyonce stans who patronize them.
There are several theories as to why Beyonce stans and Rihanna stans hate each other.
A popular theory can be traced back to the B’Day era, when it was rumored (but never proven) that “Ring the Alarm” was about Rihanna. And it was also rumored that Beyonce and Solange rode by Rihanna’s condo and threw a brick through her car windows. Some Beyonce stans felt that Rihanna’s camp capitalized off those rumors, some even speculate that Rihanna’s camp started those rumors. Neither accusation has been proven.
The problem that Beyonce stans have is not with the perceived overnight success, the questionable talent, or even the #1 singles. The problem that Beyonce stans have is that Rihanna’s name is often times mentioned in the same breath as Beyonce’s name in spite of, not because of. In spite of the fact that one artist is able to sell out arenas and one is not. One has 16 Grammys and one does not. Because she is not brown and round, Beyonce has had to work hard to get people to take her seriously. She's tried different musical styles, worked on her vocals, worked on her dancing, and figured that in order to be an icon you must grow and continue to evolve. You must adapt to different styles and environments if you want any longevity. It annoys Beyonce stans that she did all of that to be taken seriously when really all she needed to do was have Jay-Z knock her in the side of the face with a skillet.
Beyonce stans forgot that when you are famous it's not about who you are and what you can do it's about what the media says you are and can do. Since the beginning of pop music the majority of superstars (even Beyonce) have been able to capitalize off of this, so you can't really fault Rihanna's PR people for doing the same.


*DEATH* so much truth!

 

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rainbow1199

Posts: 12,520 Often imitated, never duplicated.

#5 [url]

Jan 12 11 4:56 PM

Christina Aguilera

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Christina Aguilera
boy_george_2007.jpg

Christina Aguilera is a 4-time Grammy Award winning singer. She has sold over 40 million records worldwide and was ranked #58 on Rolling Stone's list of the 100 Greatest Singers of All Time.



Career Overview

Debut Album

After honing her entertainment chops on the Mickey Mouse Club with the likes of Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake, Christina embarked on a career as a recording artist. Her self-debut album was reflection of the teen pop sound that was hot at the time. That style didn't provide much room for personality, but Chrstina's distinctive voice was her ace in the hole. Her debut album was to catapult her into Whitney/Mariah/Celine territory and establish her as a world-class vocal powerhouse. There was just one small problem:

brit_album.jpg

Christina may have had the voice, but Britney had the everything else and she was continually being the "Cyndi Lauper to Britney's Madonna." Despite the fact that the record and ticket buying public were considerably more interested in Britney, Christina's 1st album was a commercial success. The album sold 8 million copied in the United States alone, 3 singles topped the Hot 100, and she won the Grammy for Best New Artist joining the likes of perennial music legends such as Men At Work, Jody Watley, and Arrested Development.

The Stripped Era

For her second album Christina sought to rebel against the image of her debut. She wanted to mix pop, rock, and R&B and present herself as a woman with complete autonomy of her sound and her sexuality. She wanted to be free to butt-ass naked if she wanted to because in her mind a bare soul should be more important than a bare ass, and society should no longer be afraid of a female pop star comfortable with her sexuality. This seemed like a great concept, but there were 4 problems:

Problem #1

The whole "sexual liberation as a parallel to artistic liberation" schtick had been done (and done again) by Madonna since 1983.

Problems #2, #3, and #4.

p_b_B.jpg

  • The press and public at-large were still very much transfixed on Britney.
  • Pink had transformed herself from Teena Marie 2.0 to a legitimate rock star.
  • Beyonce was proving herself as a force to be reckoned with on the R&B and the pop charts.

As Christina sought to re-invent herself, the pop, rock, and R&B lanes were all being dominated by other artists and once again she found herself as a bit of an afterthought.

Stripped, however, was by no means a flop, but it received some negative attention from the people who focused on the imagery rather than the talent and the voice behind it. Nonetheless Christina received a Grammy for Best Pop Vocal Performance, and her tour with Justin Timberlake was a critical and commercial success.

Back to Basics

For her next re-invention Christina wanted to eschew current trends pay homage to the blues/soul/jazz legends of yesteryear. The main objective of this project seemed to be "I know who Sarah Vaughan and Etta James are, please take me seriously!" This seemed like a great idea (at least from an artistic standpoint), but there were 3 problems:

Problem #1:

Less than 2 months after the release of Back to Basics another female artist released her soul/blues/jazz-inspired opus. In comparison to Back to Basics, her effort was more well received by critics, the Grammys, and the record-buying public.

Problem #2 and Problem #3:

bee_jt.jpg

Justin Timberlake's FutureFuckFartSounds was quickly solidifying itself as a modern pop/R&B classic (think George Michael's Faith or Usher's Confessions); and Beyonce was fast becoming the alpha female in pop music. If that weren't enough, Gwen Stefani, Nelly Furtado, Fergie, and Rihanna were also shaping up as formidable foes on the Billboard charts.

Christina stans were not pleased.

Nonetheless, despite the lukewarm reception, Christina turned in a memorable performance at the 2007 Grammy Awards, paying vocal tribute to herself James Brown. According to Stanscan, The album sold over 5 million copies worldwide and her Back to Basics tour grossed over $40 million around the world.

Bionic

Christina took a break to get married and hatch a spawn. In pop music extended breaks can be harmful, but motherhood has also inspired some the best pop music of the past 20 years (see: Ray of Light and The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill). Christina emerged from her hiatus to release a greatest "hits" disc, and to throw shade. Shortly afterward she began work on what would become her fourth album, "Bionic". In interviews leading up to the release of "Bionic" Christina used words like "fresh", "organic" and claimed that she didn't really listen to current pop music. This appeared to be brand new era for Christina and an era of new artistic freedom and commercial domination.

There was 1 problem with that:

gagameat.jpg

When you say things like "You don't listen to pop music" that tells me that you have gone in somebody's basement or college dorm room, found some unknown producer and are about to change the game with some indie/MGMT/new wave/experimental/psychedelic/left field !$++.

But then I remembered who the !#%% I was dealing with.

It turned out the Bionic and the accompanying visuals was not "fresh" but more a conglomeration of her every overused over-processed pop/electro song of the past 5 years. The project was poorly received by the public and critics and was dragged mercilessly in stan wars. The massive dragging of Bionic is commonly referred to as the Bionic Massacre.

Christina Stans

Christina Stans vs. Britney Stans

Britney and Christina were friends on the set of the Mickey Mouse Club some 20 years ago, and remained friendly even when the press tried to pit them against each other during the Teen Pop era of the late 1990's.

However when Britney and Christina performed with Madonna at the 2003 MTV Video Music Awards Madonna, Britney, and Christina ate each other out on stage. But as Christina was eating Madonna out the camera panned away to get Justin Timberlake's reaction.

Christina was not happy with this at all and vented her frustrations with MTV and threw not so subtle shade at Britney's lip-synching.

This did not sit well with Britney stans and started a bloody Internet battle between Britney Stans and Christina stans which culminated with Bionic Massacre in 2010.


Christina Stans vs. Beyonce Stans

During her shade spree in Blender Magazine Christina Aguilera insinuated that Beyonce was lip-synching during the 2003 VMAS.

This did not sit well with Beyonce stans. Christina stans thought that with Britney out of commission Christina would be the reigning Queen of Pop but Beyonceitis was taking over the world once again making Christina a bridesmaid.

The Beyonce and Christina stan beef would continue for years, and in 2010 some Beyonce stans and Britney stans formed a brief alliance during the Bionic Massacre.

Christina Stans vs. Mariah Stans

This is the battle of the ambiguously ethnic singing divas.

If you are in the music industry and you are lighter than this:

lightskin.gif

Mariah has problem with you, and will probably destroy you.

Mariah and Christina had a brief personal spat, and of course their stans latched on to it and began fighting themselves.

Christina Stans vs. Gaga Stans

See: The Bionic Massacre

Christina Stan Argument

Christina haters will argue that she is highly overrated as a vocalist and not everyone gets excited for the burping, barking, and belching she does on every song. They argue that there is no point in RCA spending millions of dollars on producers and songwriters if all of Christina's caterwauling makes the lyrics unintelligible.

This makes stan wars hard for Christina stans' because the bulk of their argument is based on Christina being "the voice of her generation". In light of her many commericial disappointments Christina stans argue that true success is not about sales it is about artistic fulfillment.

trey_songz_cmon_son.gif

I find that to be a bucket of dog !$++. If it's solely about art for art's sake then you wouldn't have signed a recording contract in the first place. You would perform in coffee bars for tips and give your music away for free on your MySpace page.

In her stans' defense, vocals are important no matter what Ciara, Rihanna, and Britney Spears stans tell you. In an industry where reality stars, models, and backup dancers are given recording contracts its admirable that Christina stans have become advocates for talented vocalists. But the problem with basing a stan war argument on being a "good singer" is the fact that "good singing" means different things to different stans. We can prove octaves and range but at the end of the day it is still largely subjective. Something that I feel is a great vocal performance may be a bunch of screaming and yelling to someone else. I can't force a person to have the same connection to singing and music as I do, particularly if I'm arguing with stans of artists whose success has nothing to do with singing. Some stans think that just because their favorite makes any kind of noise into a microphone that's good singing, so in stan wars vocal talent isn't as the same kind of ammunition as album sales, ticket sales, and single success. Commercially there has always been someone who has outsold Christina which is probably why Christina stans are so bitter.

Christina-related stan wars will end when Christina haters stop dragging her and when Christina stans start playing in traffic.

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carlos b fly

Administrator

Posts: 22,049 You'll never be ready. Memba I told you!

#8 [url]

Apr 7 11 2:41 PM

Started reading this site today actually. It had me in stiches. The humour is so freakin' dead on, even when its aimed at Mariah.

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#11 [url]

Apr 8 11 12:02 AM

I love the Gaga page


Yet another subdued and understated performance from Lady Gaga.

Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga is a very popular intersex pop singer who has snatched more wigs in 2 years than most of your favorites have in 10 years. She has won 5 Grammys and 11 MTV Video Music Awards, among other awards. Her Monster Ball tour will become one of the most successful tours in history and according to stan mathematics she has sold 15 million albums and 51 million singles worldwide.

Alliance With Beyonce

Shortly after the success of her debut album Gaga formed an alliance with Beyonce. It went something like this:

Beyonce: Hi.

Gaga: Hi.

Beyonce: I perceive you to be problematic.

Gaga: What do you mean?

Beyonce: I perceive you to be a threat and therefore I will put a root on you and your career. Nothing personal, just business.

Gaga: Why can't we form an alliance?

Beyonce: What do you mean?

Gaga: How about I slay and take 2 days off, then you you slay and take 2 days off, and periodically we come together to drag Christina Aguilera.

Beyonce: Ok, sounds cool.

Gaga: You wanna go to the Cheesecake Factory and then finger bang each other afterward?

Beyonce: Sure.

Gaga Stans

As with most stans, Gaga stans have no sense of history and seem to believe that Lady Gaga invented the following things:

  • Music Videos
  • Avant Garde Fashion
  • Water
  • Dance Music
  • Pop Music
  • Gay Rights
  • Anal Sex
  • Oxygen
  • The Solar System
  • Beyonce
  • Bisexualty

  

[USERNAME REMOVED BY REQUEST] wrote:
Mariah Carey On Rihanna: "I love Rihanna, I am a fan. I love that she is who she is, she's a superstar and she just lives as herself."


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#12 [url]

Apr 8 11 12:05 AM

Lady Gaga Stans vs. Britney Spears Stans

Shortly after "Bionic" dropped down low and swept the bottom of the charts with it, Gaga stans and Britney Spears stans turned on each other.

Gaga and Britney both had Spring 2011 releases planned. Gaga had been touting her new single "Marketed Born This Way" since the 1987 VMAs. Britney's single (I already forgot the name of it) debuted at #1. Shortly afterward, lyrics to Gaga's lead single were released and Britney stans were so not pressed about it.

They were so not pressed that they created anti-Gaga blogs.

They were so not pressed that they spammed Gaga message boards.

They were so not pressed about Gaga, they went to door-to-door like Jehovah's Witnesses passing out Britney's press kit (13 years in the game, 823 million records sold, 922 million Twitter followers, most searched on Yahoo!, and other such foolishness).

They were so not pressed, they formed a Twitter alliance with Christina Aguilera stans to make "FEMME FATALE" a trending topic the same week Gaga is due to release her new single.

As of now they are still fighting.
  
smiley: roll

[USERNAME REMOVED BY REQUEST] wrote:
Mariah Carey On Rihanna: "I love Rihanna, I am a fan. I love that she is who she is, she's a superstar and she just lives as herself."


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esettle0

Posts: 21,128 Reflections of your love have come to wither

#13 [url]

Apr 8 11 12:14 AM

HILARIOUS

After solidifying herself as an A-list movie star, Jennifer Lopez received her Master's degree from the Madonna-Janet Jackson School of Non-Singing Singers. From 1999-2002 she released 3 successful albums, the sales of which were propelled by catchy singles and intricate dance performances.

By 2005, too much attention was being paid to the parade of Hollywood penises that marched though her vagina and not enough attention was being given to her Britney Spears-rejected music. A combination of Beyonceitis and media overexposure lead to a sharp decline in her music's commercial success.

In 2009, she attempted a musical comeback with the single "Flip-Flops" but public interest and gravity were not in her favor. After getting her walking papers from Sony Music in 2010, she became a judge on American Idol.

She continues to enjoy moderate success in movies, and has found stability in her personal life by marrying and procreating with Marc Anthony.


I just cant at them calling the song "Louboutins", "Flip-Fops" and then the word 'gravity' linking to the video of her falling performing the song. I had forgot all about that smiley: roll

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mariahfan150

Posts: 33,673

You're going to miss my love in the middle of the night...

#15 [url]

Apr 8 11 1:13 AM

LMFAO @ the Keri Hilson page. TOO TRUE. Hate that @!$+!.



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